Deferred disassociation

Could I be more fucked up?  I swear there are days that I hate my own brain.  Srsly.  I've been becoming more and more withdrawn from everything and everyone.  I took down the "about me" section on my fet profile, I cleared my regularly read blogs, I took all my pictures down, I've been hiding behind a book at home.  I quit logging onto yahoo except for about an hour in the morning.  All because I didn't want to experience camp drop.  I miss camp.  I miss the people (mostly).  Because I had non-consensual refrigerator play, I didn't get to play as much as I wanted to so I didn't feel like I had experienced as much as I should have.  So I'm pouting.  And withdrawing.  *head-desk*

Anyone got a spare brain?  I'm ready to trade mine in.

Avoidance is the key to happiness

Yes I'm avoiding my blog like it's got cooties right now.  Yes I took down all my stuff on Fet.  No I'm not leaving the lifestyle.  No I'm not leaving Master.  I'm still processing enough of what happened at camp to be able to coherently write about it without hurting feelings and being bitchy.  Hang in there, ~insert terminator voice here~  I'll be back!