YAY me!

Remember this?  Yeah, well we've had a few attempts at it, and there was one fail, which was still pretty good, and one success.  I came home from work yesterday just flat pissy.  I've had the kids for 10 days (which was great but a stressor), it was a holiday, we were in the camper for 5 days and the last 2 of those it rained, and we were up at his Dad's place with the whole fam damily.
 No we didn't do it in the camper even though the children were way at the other side, no matter how quiet you are, you move.  I don't know if any of you have a pop-up, but when you move in one of the beds like AT ALL, it shakes the whole damn camper and at 16 and 11 they are old enough to know what that rocking means.  While probably amusing as hell, cries of Mom! seriously? do NOT set the mood for me.  I've scarred my children enough thankyouverymuch.  Soooo I was a wee bit stressed.  And of course, as is the way of most couples, I was pissy with him too.

Until he had had enough.

While I was sitting in the bath was NOT what I would call appropriate time for HIM to get a blow job.  It was also not the time for him to order me out of the bath and into the bedroom to lean over the bed so he could give me a good thrashing.  Any idea what that friggen cane that our lovely lady friend left here feels like on warm wet skin? (you can take that home now Sarahnade)  Holy Christ on a Rickety Old Crutch...  And the flat of his hand????????  Spanking immediately after the tub is now a hard limit (shadup).  I actually whirled away from him and buried my ass in the bed so he couldn't get it.  Cause that made it better.  Quit laughing.  Actually that is what had him reaching for that cane (srsly little one, that thing is going home with you either in your bag, or up your ass, at this point I don't care which). Now, contrary to popular opinion, I am not a slave.  (again with the laughing?)  So why did I submit to this?  Because one of the reasons domestic discipline didn't work out for us was because I didn't let it.  I had some stupid thought in my head that he was to force the discipline on me.  Yeah.  I know.  Mind reading didn't come with the marriage contract.  So when he stood in front of the tub and unzipped his pants, I sullenly happily obliged.  When he ordered me out of the tub, I protestingly gracefully complied.  By the time he was done with the cane, I was sobbing but still dry eyed so he entered me from behind and pulled my head out of my ass the blankets by my hair and started with the face slapping.  This time he didn't stop at the first sign of tears.  He made sure that my entire face was wet from the tears and I was flinching from his hand before he stopped.

I felt much better after.

He even helped me back into the tub (think hot water on cane welts) and stroked my hair for a while.

But there were no nightmares!

All is right in my world today. *huge ass grin*

Ker-thunk...

*face plants on sofa*

I'll write tomorrow...

after I warm up...

and get some sleep...

2 days of rain, 2 children, 1 camper....

We interrupt the regularly scheduled broadcast....

HAPPY HAND TURKEY DAY!!!!!!!!!

Yes I know only us Americans celebrate it, and most of us call it Thanksgiving.  I call it Hand Turkey Day for a variety of reasons, first being that traditionally both my kids draw "Hand Turkeys" and give them to me as a card.  Yes I keep them.  Yes they are 11 and 16.  Shadup.

You know I really don't like being thankful.  I'm not a big fan of gratitude.  Being thankful for something or being grateful for it implies that it was handed to me.  Maybe my being a veteran has something to do with my attitude about it.  *shrugs*  Don't get me wrong, I have an emotion concerning all in my life that I should be  "grateful" for, I prefer to call it appreciation.  I appreciate my freedom cause I damn well earned it by serving in the United States Army for 8 years, including overseas.  I appreciate my job because I bust my ass to keep it and do it well.  I appreciate my children because I didn't believe the doctors that told me I would never have them.  The oldest put me through 9 months of living hell because that child was ADHD in the womb!  Promise.  My youngest put me on the couch for 6 months with me tracking her every movement because she never moved.  The kid was a speedbump.  Due to complications and the fact that I happened to have 2 uterus' (only 1 functioning), it was like carrying twins and I slipped two disks in my lower back in my 5th month.  I damn well earned that child too. Any woman that has gone through pregnancy, childbirth and then raised that child to the best of their abilities has earned them.  I appreciate the living hell out of the fact that I have two happy, well adjusted, "normal" children.  But no one handed them to me, I have and still do work my ass off for them.  I appreciate my home because I bought, scrounged or sought out every stick of furniture in it and I work two jobs to be able to pay for it and the food on the table.  I appreciate my friends because I give as much or more than I get.  I appreciate the two dogs and retarded cat (he is, honest) because I give them the best food possible (home-made dog food and yes the cat eats it too), I pay the vet bills, I groom them, I love them and they are happy and healthy.  I appreciate my husband who is also my Master because relationships are WORK damnit.  We've endured hardships and separation, and we work on our relationship every day.  I earned that too.  So every day I say thanks to the deity because I have the ability to earn every single thing in my life.  THAT is the only thing that I am truly grateful for.  Everything else gets my undying appreciation.

If you appreciate the people and/or things in your life, wish them a Happy Hand Turkey Day by either drawing them one (wiser in some cases) or giving them one (pics or it didn't happen).  Appreciate what you've earned, but only be grateful that you were given the ability to earn it.

Day 3

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I had to (and still am) learn to forgive myself for not fighting back against my mother when she abused me.  I skated, avoided her, did exactly what she asked, anything in the world to make it stop, except fight back.

Seems to me that I've made up for lost time as I constantly fight back now lol.

Packing to head up north tomorrow morning early for Hand Turkey Day but yes I will continue to do the daily thing, or at least I will try lol.

Day 2

Day 2 Something you really like about yourself

I haz teh funneh

Usually

I can make people laugh.  Whether it's my smart ass sense of humor or snarky self-depreciation, I can usually get someone laughing no matter how off they are feeling.  It took me quite a few years and much honing of the skill but it's one I love about myself and one I value in others as well.  Even on his worst days, X could always make me laugh, and still can.