But you might be able to pick your friend's.
I haven't spoken to any of my extended family for years. We are talking like 20 years here, not maybe 5 or just a couple. I think it was lack of effort on both sides, they really didn't know if I turned out like my icky bitch of a mother, and to be honest I really wasn't interested enough in them to keep in touch. When I was in my 20's my Uncle W died and I found out a couple of years after it happened, it hurt but I accepted it and it also helped me realize that I was on no one's give-a-shit list. Yes that hurt. Well my sister called last night saying she was "up north" and wanted to stop by to personally tell me that my Aunt C had died and that my Uncle G is now in a wheel chair. She didn't even check exactly where my version of "up north" was so she was in the totally wrong part of the state. That hurt too. She found out about it Thursday night and the funeral was Friday morning. She contacted me Saturday night. I can't say what she was thinking but it would have been nice to have the option of attending the funeral. Again with the hurty.
This is the first time she's voluntarily contacted me in about 5 years. I quit contacting her about a year ago.
When my sister La found me a little over a year ago, one of the things I did during the brief flurry of contact with my family was come out to my sister Ly as bi, and tell her the real reason I got divorced. She didn't believe me and told me I was immoral as hell because I had a boyfriend and a girlfriend. I accepted her in all her lesbian glory, but I'm immoral. Ok. She's entitled to her opinion, she really is, just as I'm entitled to mine. I can pontificate how much less judgmental I am than her, how much more accepting I am than her, how much more of a well rounded person I am than her yada yada yada, but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that she is who she is and I've made a conscious choice to not contact her anymore because I really don't need that kind of negativity around me. Yes it hurts. Yes I mourn the loss of my sister. Yes I wish she could accept me for who I am. Yes I wish she could see how happy I am being who I am. Yes I wish I wasn't an embarrassment to her, but again I'm happy with who I am. I can't control whether she is embarrassed or not. I am happy that she is happy with her partner. I wish she was happy for me as well.
Wish in one hand, shit in the other then tell me which one has something in it......
