Twisted Tryst

Today we are leaving for Twisted Tryst so I'll be away for a week or so.  Have fun and stay safe everyone!

Makes sense to me!

I was reading the owners/property group over on fet and came across this recipe for success in a long term O/p type relationship.  Thank you ubennes for posting it, it makes total sense to me even if Master and I really don't do the whole "owned" thing.

Stay

Stay, as in don't leave. Don't withdraw physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or verbally. Being present is the first step in communication. Communication is the first step in modifying circumstances to maintain or improve the relationship. You, cynster, recently signed a contract. It may specify expected behavior in excruciating detail, or it may have general guidelines and perhaps some expectations of the owner and some philosophy or it may be as short as "You are mine. You obey me." Internalizing that contract is your journey.

Even with a highly detailed contract, there would need to be a period of adjustment in which you learn what is meant by those words, and also very likely adjustment to the contract itself to clarify, add, or delete things, according to what you and he learn of one another. These adjustments are the first step in doing the work of staying together. Giving up, saying it's "too hard" and leaving, clearly won't work in favor of a long term relationship. Assuming you were very careful in choosing your owner, the circumstances in which the only sane response is to leave are unlikely to come up.

Work

From time to time, being human, one or the other of you is going to get angry. It is hard work to sort out issues when angry, yet the issues have to be addressed sooner or later. Some want to clear up issues as rapidly as possible, others need time to think things through before discussion. Be aware of your owner's style and your own. Also, being human, owners are not always automatically right about everything. A good owner rarely screws up, but when it happens they recognize that it has happened and take steps to halt the problem and then fix it. As your owner handles issues, your trust will build.

Part of where communication is tricky but necessary is when the property sees a problem looming, and must respectfully warn the owner that they see that potential problem. The owner takes that information into consideration in making a decision about how to handle the situation. It may be that the course of action is altered, or it may be that the owner sees the risk but feels that the benefits of the intended action outweigh the risks. An owner who never wants to hear of potential problems from the property is an owner whose relationships may not endure. A property who points out every obvious tiny problem is likely to exasperate the owner and be told either to "shut up" or to "suck it up". Having a sense of proportion is important on both sides.

As time goes by, you'll become more accustomed to living as property, and the NRE - New Relationship Energy will give way to mutual familiarity. The next step in work is to make sure that familiarity does not become complacency. That is another place where communication comes in, but it is also where orgasms come in.

Orgasms

Mind you, there are some O/p relationships in which orgasms are not part of the picture. Maybe those who have such a relationship can advise you on that kind as I cannot.

The brain chemicals released at orgasm, associated with the pheromones of one's partner, reinforce bonding and improve receptivity to communication. (Something similar but not identical occurs when "percussive play" takes place, and the endorphins released into the recipient's system reinforce bonding with the provider.)

In the conversation mentioned at the beginning of this post, caeth said he needs to give me more orgasms, and I told him that I was thinking the other way around. This brings up the idea of mutuality. Not being self-ish does not automatically mean being self-less, but it does mean keeping focus on one another. This, of course, loops back around to "stay". Self-absorption can happen anywhere. Mutuality happens when one stays with one's partner on all levels possible within one's circumstances.

Much of this applies to any relationship. A healthy relationship is balanced. In O/p, there still needs to be balance, but the fulcrum of the relationship is not centered, because the weight of authority is shifted from one side to the other. An important point to remember is that, whether or not there is romance, it is a relationship.