Teeter Totter

So I didn't get fired today which I was absolutely convinced I would.  Paranoid delusions are fun aren't they?  I know I'm not going to get fired... Maybe..  Now do you see why I am trying the meds?  Effexor is what the new stuff is called and tomorrow is my first day on them.  I'm scared but I'm going to do it cause I can't live thinking the whole world is out to get me.  I go through this cycle with every med.  Every one does what it's supposed to do so despite the awful side effects, I start feeling better.  I then get fed up with the side effects, so I call the doc and he changes the med.  Now we start weaning off the old med before we start building up on the new one.  When the level goes down, the paranoia comes back, like today.  No I don't have any more pesky side effects like panic attacks, the need to actually lay down while it takes effect, the lack of desire, the space cadet brain farts, the constant nausea, but then the core problem starts again, and I realize that I'm doing this for a reason.  Such is the way the medication merry-go-round works for me.  And tomorrow we start the ride up again.

Weeeee

Ok, so I'm on the third new med in a month, or at least I will be starting Saturday.  The whole point of this med thing is to control the chemical imbalance, right?  So why am I sitting in the middle of a panic attack every morning within an hour of taking my meds?  Time for a change... again...  The new ones are ridiculously expensive (thank all that's holy for insurance), and these will be my last attempt at it.  If these are as big of a bust as the other ones, I'm stopping with the medication thing.  I'll just have to learn to manage it without the meds.

Meds

Uhg.. I hate the medication merry-go-round, but I am at least now enjoying a full nights sleep every night.