Day 4,167

At least that's what it feels like.  I hate journalling.  

I asked for some deep dark nasty play using a known trigger.  I love lizzybug with my whole heart but she makes me think evil thoughts.  I guess it's good for me because it's dealing with crap from my past and the more I deal with it, the faster it goes away.  I'm just worried that I shouldn't do that with Don.  I know it hurts him when he deals with the nasties in my past because there is nothing he can do to fix them, or at least that's what I think it does.  I don't want to break him.  Ya know people laugh when he says he isn't a sadist, but he's really not, he's a service top, a dominant, and a loving partner. The sadist in the house is me :D  I can happily play in the darkest nasties spots and draw emotional angst out of anyone and it does nothing more to me than turns me on.  I'm a bit of a sociopath.  Just a bit though.  I have not only embraced that side of myself, I have done so with a great deal of enthusiasm.  :D  I could post proof, but that'd be tattling.