Nightmares

One of my biggest issues with my relationship with L and the X was that I was never allowed to be in a bad mood.  Ever. The day of my hysterectomy was one of the worst days of my life.  My sister who was supposed to take me to the hospital in the morning called the night before and cancelled because it was her partners b-day.  L couldn't do it because she had to get her kid ready and to school,  X had to get our kids ready for school so I got dropped off at the hospital and sat there by myself until shortly before the surgery, alone.  Terrified cause I don't like dr's and hospitals are worse.  L got there as soon as she could and was there when I went in. My sister was still a no-show.  I went through the surgery and it went well. The next morning I was released and went home. That very night X looks at me and said "well I'm going to darts and to L's after,  you'll be ok with the kids (5 months and 5yrs old at the time)?  I very sarcastically through the haze of painkillers said "sure,  why wouldn't I be". He left.  My tenant had to come down and watch the kids cause there was no way I could.  Nice, right?  I was just a bit crabby the next day as a result.  When I took both of them to task for it I was told I wasn't allowed to be crabby because I said he could go.  Srsly?  This is just an example of how I was habitually treated in the relationship.  I could list incident after incident where simple common decency would have solved issues but it wasn't applied to me and I had no right to be pissed off.  Ever. 


So I have had a pretty bad couple of weeks what with the withdrawl from my old meds,  the ac in my work truck breaking in the middle of a heat wave, the local sup giving away the spare truck that I was supposed to have so I could get that fixed (twice), and working in an area that has 5 acre yards and is back yard aerial. After all that, and M being just as sweet as sweet could be lately, why did I have such horrible nightmares about this very thing last night?