Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Wanting vs Getting

What I wanted last night was to give M a full body massage and then for him to tie me up, flog the living hell out of me then fuck me silly, preferably with some anal in there.  What I got was 4 hrs of cleaning my old apartment while arguing with M most of the evening about whether the new grooming tub would be ready by Saturday.

In my own defense, only the first remark I made about the tub was meant to be snarky.  All the other ones were completely innocent inquiries as to how the work was proceeding, but when the first comment is antagonistic, you can't really blame the poor man for thinking all the other ones are as well.  In my vanilla marriage, I had to nag, whine, bitch and harass in order to get the X to do anything.  It was a constant exercise in new and creative verbal abuse (from me) to get him to finish ANY project.   I had lost count over the years of the amount of half finished, half assed projects laying around the house simply because either X didn't know how to do them (and wouldn't admit it), couldn't be bothered to finish them because they weren't important to HIM, or whatever other reason he thought was valid at the time.

Now then there is M.  He consistently finishes what he starts, and isn't afraid to admit it when it's something he just doesn't know how to do.  So why did the first remark come out so bad?  Because 15 years of training can't be changed over night.  Do I think that M is X?  Well obviously not.  Do I think M won't get the tub done?  Nope.  I have every confidence that despite the man's proclivities for being consistently late, he will get it done in time for the first appointment of the day on Saturday.  Does M know how important this is to me?  Yep.  Did I apologize nicely for being a nagging bitch about it?  Yep  Did I explain that only the first remark was sarcastic and the other ones innocent?  Yep  Did it make it all better?  Dunno, that's up to him isn't it.

See, I can be trained.

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