Saturday, July 23, 2011

Pissy? Who me?

The street is public parking right?  So when I parked my work truck in front of my neighbors house instead of my own (camper was there) it should have been ok, right?  Less than 15 minutes and she's at the front door bitching cause that's where her boyfriend parks... On the street...  Jesus...  I handled it badly, while M was at the door trying to calm her down I grabbed my keys, stomped outside, verbally castigated her moved the damn truck then carried the attitude for the next hour.  Then claimed that M was yelling at me because of HER attitude.  Yeah.  Notsomuch.  M was being reasonable and just trying to not make waves in the new neighborhood.  MY attitude was the one that sucked.  I should have trusted that he had my back and that he wasn't agreeing with her that I had parked in the "wrong" spot.

You know these things really do sneak up on me.  X would have agreed with the icky bitch.  X agreed with damn near everyone that said I was wrong about any-freakin-thing, whether I really was wrong or not.  That kind of thing eats away at you and being subjected to it for 15 years eats a BIG hole in your soul.  Imagine never being able to be right (unless verified by his mother), never being able to have a good idea (unless verified by his father), never being able to have the support of the one person who is supposed to love you the most (unless prompted by 3rd).  When you love someone you support them, even when they're wrong.  Nail them later in private, absolutely, but in public?  You got their back.  I like to think that's what I did, but to be honest I don't remember.  My not being able to remember probably means that in typical me fashion I lashed back with the same behavior.  Like I did last night.  At the wrong person.

Being screwed over by the one that's supposed to love you the most causes all kinds of problems including paranoia.  I am a living expression of "everyone is out to screw me over".  No.  Not everyone.  Just X.    BIG hole....

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