Karma is a mother

So in the middle of the summer from hell, not only did I have to move during finals week, I got notice from the courts that X wanted the child support reviewed because apparently the $198 per month that he is paying for two children was too much.

I got the results of the review today.

They damn near doubled it.

I am going to assume that he knew that was going to happen and he is being nice and trying to help me go to school since I put him through school.  I called and accepted the new amount right away.

Karma is a bigger bitch than I will ever have to be.

DONE DONE DONE

I have to revise my 5 page research paper and tape that stupid speech yet, then I'm done done done..


And move the rest of our stuff

and clean the old house


I see you laughing over there.

Did I tell you guys about getting the gas shut off?  Apparently Wisconsin Public Service has a new rule.  You need permission from the landlord before the name is changed on the gas bill.  They even sent me an email telling me this.  Which yahell sent to my spam folder... And of course they shut it off at 6pm and wouldn't turn it back on until the next day.  The next day dawned bright and early with severe thunderstorms, which knocked out our electricity.  So I had no gas, no power, and I still managed to get Red off to work with a hot breakfast, lunch packed and a thermos full of coffee.  Then I prayed over the laptop battery while I finished my paper.

It's been an entertaining week.

Brain saw...

Anyone have a spare one I can borrow?  I've spent the last week being defensive and stupid about everything until I realized why.  My icky bitch landlord?  The one that's kicking me out for no good reason?  She is acting like, and even has the same mannerisms as, my mother.  She  showed up with the dogs, which she never does, but she had to accompany her man.  Because apparently I can't be trusted around him?  After all these years? Like 8 years?  She was all smiley for the first drop off and had to try to see in the yard, like nothing was going on, like she wasn't kicking me out of my home.

ack... I hate being like this. Everything is all messed up in my head and it is now mixed in with the fact that the one thing that could make me happy to keep doing their dogs is gone.  I groomed Leo for 11 years and he passed away last Thursday.... They have 5 dogs and we do them in batches, first the little ones (3 scotties) then the big ones (2 St Bernards).

She was with for the original drop off of the little ones, the switch to the big ones and picking up the big ones.   She's never with.  Not ever.  Remember, she's accused me of sleeping with her man.  She wouldn't even get out of the vehicle after the first time.  So I just stood there until they drove away.  What a cunt....

On a good note, I got anal sex the other night.  WOOT!!

So here is the dreaded paper

If it looks familiar it's because I snatched it from here and just edited the shit out of it

:D

WIN


     Poppa uses cedar almost as his totem, tucking pieces into Christmas cards and caskets alike, so I brought some saplings up north, figuring that he would like them.  My brother-in-law took one, which left five that my husband helped Poppa plant down in what he calls the cedar swamp.
A month later, as we were sitting around the dinner table, the scents of Mom’s cooking still flavoring the air, I asked Poppa how the trees were doing.  He quickly pushed himself away from the table and said, “Well, let’s check.”  We stood on the back steps for a minute while his blind old springer spaniel made her way over to us, gamboling at his feet as if to say “Are we going now? Can we go now? Are you ready now?”  As we passed through the Indian gap, Poppa told me about the foot path that runs over his hill to town.  The local tribe would use it, and the gap in the fence, big enough for a man but too small for a horse, was there for them.  He didn’t reckon that he had seen any Indians walk through his land for at least 60 years, but some things you still honored because that was the way it was done.  He told me that what we were walking used to be Highway 8, and then was abandoned when they put the paved road in at the bottom of the hill.  He remembered the sound of the teams and old trucks as they jangled and creaked their way up the mighty incline.  He would hear the occasional curse of the drivers of the logging drays, encouraging their teams to pull harder.  The drivers would sometimes jump off the wagons, as if their slight weight was somehow stopping the massive horses from  cresting the hill with the towering load of logs.
As we walked through the hushed dappled sunlight down the old trail,  he told me stories of the different trees along the path, pointing out the basswoods that grew in clumps like giant hands springing out of the earth, instead of solitary trees.  He and his brother had cut the trees closest to the road when they were just boys, to sell for box wood.  It was a small way they could contribute to the family economy during the Great Depression.  The majestic soldiers that now lined our path were what had grown out of the stumps.  He showed me the earthen mound that was actually an old stump.  He and his father had pulled it out with their own team of heavy draft horses, when he was home from college one summer.  He pointed out dead-falls of oak and ash that he would gather to fire the maple syrup boiler in the coming spring.  He showed me the American Elm trees that were still standing tall and strong despite the disease that had swept the country.
We entered the swamp from the east and he didn't even hesitate as he walked up to the northern-most tree.  He examined the branches and needles, telling me “When you plant things here there are plenty of rocks you had to move but sometimes you just have to work around them.”  He hoped he had picked the right spot for the trees, but only time would tell if that was true or not.  He gently examined each, running his rough hands tenderly among the small branches, looking for any signs that he had chosen well.  Before we reached the third tree, I realized that he had planted them in a circle.  At the final tree he stopped to catch his breath and told me that he passed a fragrant sprig of cedar along as a sort of "good journey" wish.  With a small smile on his face he mused, “Maybe it was a bit pagan, but that’s okay.”  He had learned from an old Indian that he used to work with that there was more than one way to worship. He hoped that perhaps his kids had learned that lesson as well.
It was only about a twenty minute walk but it was amazing to listen to his stories of this land where he grew up, and upon which he was now growing old.  We walked back in comfortable silence.

*waves*

I'm alive... barely...  I'm looking for a new place to live, I'm struggling to keep up with a college level writing course and an oral communications course, and let's not talk about the fact that I haven't even started on my Excel course yet.  I'm getting my unemployment, finally.... fuckers.  I qualified for Badger-care, and believe it or not, Food-share.  I'm about a week out from getting my summer disbursement of financial aid and all my bills are already paid except rent, and those fuckers can wait.  She decided that she's going to rent this house out to her sister who is moving home from Alaska.  So I get to do the joy of moving all over again, Two weeks before fall camp, right after midterms.

The kids are awesome, well, sort of.  The 16yr old pushed me so much yesterday that I actually completely lost it with her.  *cue ominous music*  If the 12 yr old doesn't get her period soon and level out these moods, she's gonna bleed from somewhere, promise.

I'm home.  I'm always home.  I've been nothing but always home for a month now.  This is not my idea of a good time.  I've re-opened my blog because while I'm writing a fuck-ton for my class, it's not the same thing as here.  Here I'm not directed on how I write and what to write... YAY..  and now I get to write a two page paper that's due tomorrow.  Using descriptive terms.  Detailing an experience and trying to convince the reader why it was important to me.  And it can't be about anything inappropriate.  ~quit laughing~  

srsly

Read this!

666

6 Months, 60 pounds, and just as spoiled as can be..

The entire neighborhood knows his name from my repetitive screaming of it.

Yesterday...

went well enough I guess.  I got called into the office and given my final.  Talked with my boss a bit and found out that it will be over prolly around the 18th of May.  Good news is I'm on vacation for a week in order to use up my sick time and floating holidays, which they do not pay out when they terminate you.

On the school front, I do have to take stupid intermediate algebra because the one I took was only 3 credits and theirs is 4 :(  which totally screws up my summer plans.  Now I have no class to take this summer but since I get free tuition at all Wisconsin schools, I'm looking at maybe taking an art class or something at the local UW.  *shrugs*  It's free right?  I'll be researching that today.  Maybe the UW has a summer course that I can transfer over to satisfy that math need?  Worth checking out.

On the home front, the girls seem to be doing alright.  Their father doesn't believe that I'm being fired in a bit and that I'm going back to school.  :)  Why that makes me smile I don't know.  Maybe I'm just an evil bitch. :) :) :)

New Fave

Ok, sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake.  After all it took me until I was in my 30's to figure out that vanilla just wasn't my cup of tea.  I found my new favorite quote on Law-Momma.com .


Is is possible to have it all.  It is possible to be everything to everyone… it just means picking your “everyone” very carefully. 



 Ain't that the truth...

*grumble*

*mutters*
*flomps in her chair*

Apparently this isn't the week.

Ever get that I want what I want and I want it NOW feeling?  Except you don't know what precisely it IS that you want?  I've been telling M all morning it's PMS.  I don't know if that's what it is but I'm about sick of myself here.  I don't want to work anymore, I want it done and over with.  I am just tired tired tired...  It's like I'm picking a fight for no good reason just because I'm cranky...   **sigh**

I'll get over myself eventually...

Meh

I wonder if this will be THE WEEK.  You know, THE WEEK that I actually get fired for the first time in my life.  *sigh*  I'm ready.  I've been accepted into the wind energy program at LTC.  I'm taking trig this summer.  I mostly have the financial stuff figured out.  Mostly...  I'm just sort of Meh about the whole thing right now.

School days

Well that was an interesting discovery.. After spending most of the morning at the college, doing an admissions interview, I made a few discoveries.  First, it's good to be a veteran in Wisconsin.  Tuition is free provided you maintain a c or higher average.  Second, they waived all placement exams as well as all fee's.  Third, they waived 4 classes so I didn't have to repeat stupid things like psych and intermediate algebra.  So in about 6 weeks, provided I get all my paperwork in, I start my first class.  Trigonometry here I come!!  Followed by physics next semester :( , along with a full class load.  But the best good news of all?  Starting pay is $30 an hour.  BOOYAH!!

Happy Birthday Master

So Gremmie came over for M's birthday and we were having a good time when M decided to shave us after I contributed a bit to gremmie's bruises...  Which is always yummy...

then he put us on a double ender, which is also yummy

*beams*

Then she decides to just stop, sit up and ask me if my cooter is burning...

I figured M put something on the dildo to be cute...

Nope!


 Slight problem - he finishes a shave with witch hazel so we don't get icky bumps - witch hazel BURNS LIKE FUCKING FIRE  when it's IN the cooter
Gremmie was crying, I was taking the entire vocab out for a gallop and he decides to take a picture...

We're both shoving ice cubes up our cooters and guess who DIDN'T get laid for his birthday.

*snickers*

Another rant...

BoringJen did it this time with this post.  As a switch I have the wonderful ability to see both sides of this argument.  If you have a limit, state it.  Make it clear and concise.  I have limits that are different with different people, as do we all.  With M, I have none.  I am allowed none that he can't, at the very least, touch.    With outside play partners, their list is a bit longer and MUCH more specific.  I honestly don't think that when I'm on the top side, it's really too much to ask that your limits be specific.  If you don't want me hitting below your knee, say NO HITTING BELOW THE KNEE.  If you don't want me hitting on your tattoo, Say, don't hit on or even near the tattoo, the damn thing isn't a target (one of mine).  If someone points out to me where a body part is, I'm going to assume that it means they don't want impact there, NOT that they don't want impact above or below it.  Yes that's an assumption on my part, but I think it's a fair one.  If I've played sexually with you in the past, and you want to be played with publicly, I'm going to play sexually with you in public unless you otherwise state that.  If you don't like oral, say so, and I'll love you all the more for it.  I fly better with a map than I do by the seat of my pants.  No it doesn't take the spontenaity out of things, and no it doesn't limit my creativity.  Promise.

Oh ffs...

Why is it when you start a new relationship that you are obviously the boss of, people won't accept it when you don't set up a bunch of stupid ass rules?  Not all doms are control freaks!  If Gremmie needed a bunch of rules and structure, we wouldn't be together, because honestly, who has the time?  We enjoy each other, yes I'm dominant to her but she's as much of a slave as I am...  Do I enjoy her brattiness?  You bet.  Do I enjoy putting her in her place?  You bet.  Do I like wonderful fun times like pinching her bruises under the blanket when the kids aren't looking?  Of course.  What I don't enjoy doing is curbing that wonderful sense of adventure of hers. What I refuse to do is take away her ability to think for herself.  What I absolutely adore about her is that she has a brain and isn't afraid to USE IT.  If I asked her to be monogomous, I WOULD HAVE TO BE.  And I'm way too much of a slut for that...

Introducing....

Ms Gremikins

Isn't she yummy?
Cause apparently I don't have enough going on in my life, I now have her. Although she actually does add to my sanity and doesn't suck any time away.  She fun and bright and bouncy and wonderful.  Oh and let's not forget sexy as hell.  :D

On to more mundane things.  Yes I will probably be losing my job but I'm past caring.  The money crunch will suck but things like that always do.  Red and I are in process of fixing what was wrong with us, and that's working out better than we ever dreamed.  It's just a shame that it has to get to the point where I explode and scream "ENOUGH, I'M FUCKING DONE"  before we can resolve things.  Hopefully I'm back here, I've missed writing about things and life and stuff and I've missed all of you but it got to the point where every time I wrote a post it was about how much my job sucked, how much service sucked, how much my kids sucked, and to be honest I was simply tired of reading about how much I sucked.  I decided that "ENOUGH, I'M FUCKING DONE" applied to all of that as well.  Life's much better now :D

Entertainment

Turns out I haven't made my quota of the sales for the last 6 weeks...
Big surprise.
*starts polishing up the resume*

March is Q&A month

All month long, I’m at the mercy of your interrogation. ;-)

Ask me anything and I’m committed to answering as honestly and detailed as I’m allowed to.

I love March. Easiest blogging month EVAR! :D

Robot Storm Trooper

Ok, so I'm tired of this damn thing already.  It's not any fun at all, even making sympathy inducing noises at M doesn't help when he see's you crawling up the stairs like a 2 year old with your ass in the air and bursts out laughing.  He's trying to be helpful, honestly he is.  I can just imagine how hilarious I look, I don't need confirmation by the random fits of entirely inappropriate giggles that crop up whenever I do something like try to chase the puppy to get whatever-the-hell he has in his mouth.

My leg does feel better though...

Sam's getting bigger too although he won't sit still enough for a decent picture

And he's taking random chomps on things just to see if they are numby enough to chew on.  

He hasn't tried for the stupid robo-boot though, and to be honest I'd probably stop him just because the damn thing is so spendy.  As much as I'd enjoy not having to wear it.  Cause THAT's gonna happen...

Remember this?  Well I went to the ortho guy today (same one that sewed up M's fingers when he ran them through the table saw) because even with the little support thing they gave me, it's getting worse.  We're talking like the lump in my calf is the size of a tennis ball and I can't walk more than 2 blocks worse.

:(

He put me in one of these

Apparently I have a partial tear of the Achilles tendon.  Now how the hell am I supposed to walk around all day, knocking on people's doors in this?  M is already starting the "Put It Back On" mantra.  Maybe if I just wear it at home, I can get away with not wearing it to work?

You're laughing at me again aren't you

   gives them a squinty look...

ISTJ

• distinctively expressed introvert
• moderately expressed sensing personality
• slightly expressed thinking personality
• slightly expressed judging personality

Do you know how hard it is to take one of those personality tests and answer how I feel and not how M wants?

Fear

M and I were talking last night and I told him that he finally had identified why I get all bucky before events.  It's fear.  You see somewhere along the way, for whatever mother-spawned reason, I learned to be afraid of things like hotels with people I was supposed to be getting along with.  I avoided them for years as an adult but now that we're going to more and more events, I've been getting more and more anxious, to the point of making myself sick before them.  I always seem to have an injury or an illness before as well as just being plain ol bitchy about them.  I can list why I don't like them but honestly this last one was just the worst.  I couldn't even sleep in the hotel bed.  I slept propped up on the couch and hid in my room during the day.  When he forced me out I had the most horrendous fake smile and was constantly outside smoking.  I think in all honesty I enjoy the company of 90% of the people at the events we go to, so what is there to be afraid of?

I'm such a retard...

Fraud

Ever feel like a fraud when it comes to orientation?  I do, all the damn time.  I am now listed as queer even though I have no thoughts of ever sexually entertaining men.  I top one guy in particular all the time and am married to M, but that's about the limit of it.  I really just can't get anything else going for guys.  This morning is a perfect example.  I followed one of my friends who is bi to a picture expecting to find a lovely girl to look at and it was a man.  The picture really was well done, it was definitely an attractive example of man, but I admired that and the composition of the pic.  Honestly the only reason I remarked on it was so my not-so-queer friends had something nice to look at.  I know women have dreams of some big strong man taking hold of them, slamming them down on the bed and having their wicked way with them, and I did too, until I met M.  Anything that I needed met by a male he does, so I find myself turning more and more lesbian in my tastes.  Any idea how many poly lesbians there are out there?  Notsomany.  Especially ones like me, that don't do casual sex.  I want a relationship, not sex.  Well, yeah I want sex too, duh, but having a girlfriend is the goal.
I've mentioned this before but it bears repeating.  I've had a couple of more hopefuls but they've been added to the list of non-starters.  I haven't given up though, as a matter of fact I'm trying to put together some pithy, under 30 word, funny explanation on my fet profile so people don't see "married" and pass on by.


Any suggestions from my clever friends?

Another whack job brain fart

You know I've joked for years that the only place I'm comfortable is at home.  From Wiki - Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by anxiety in situations where it is perceived to be difficult or embarrassing to escape. These situations can include, but are not limited to, wide-open spaces, crowds, and uncontrollable social situations such as may be met in shopping malls, airports, and on bridges. Agorophobia is defined within the DSM-IV TR as a subset of panic disorder, involving the fear of incurring a panic attack in those environments. The sufferer may go to great lengths to avoid those situations, in severe cases becoming unable to leave their home or safe haven.

Now the question is, how to manage it.

Tired

I honestly don't know what goes on in my own head some times.  I had a prime opportunity for play this last weekend as we were at Madtown Kinkfest.  Instead I spent the entire weekend sulky and bratty and absolutely just being a bitch because we weren't at home, I didn't want to stay at a hotel, blah blah blah.  I made myself and M miserable to the point that everyone noticed that I was "off".

*sigh*

Last night M announced that we were going to "work on this issue".  (shudders) So here we go again.  I get that he needs to train me, and I get that this is for my own good.  I even get that I am the most hard-headed individual on the face of the planet so sometimes extreme measures are called for, like telling me to take off his collar.  (it just about got thrown at him)  But damnit why can't he leave this part of my psyche alone?  I was in tears twice last night, once from him when he poked and prodded until he found out why I had such a bad reaction to events.  The other time was from Sarahnade.


vixen.4770: *drums fingers on the desktop*
vixen.4770: I thought you were supposed to be on my side?
sarahnade Gina: if that would involve enabling an unhealthy behavior...nope
sarahnade Gina: friends don't do that
vixen.4770: *sigh*
vixen.4770: you two are bound and determined to make me normal aren't you
sarahnade Gina: love means you want the absolute best for the person...not the easiest way out
sarahnade Gina: yep
sarahnade Gina: we will believe that you can heal in this until you believe it yourself...how is that?

Why does having two people willing to slog through the mud of my past with me somehow make this harder?  Lets add a bit of guilt on top of the mess, M and Sarah didn't get to play at all because he was too busy "tending to my situation".

*crawls under desk*

I'm just going to be under here until this thing fixes itself kthksbai!

Word to the wise..

Never mess with a girls ears when she has your mustache in between her teeth




*gigglesnorts*

Gimpy

After much rampant refusal discussion, I went to the doctor for my leg this morning.  Tendinitis of the Achilles tendon was the diagnosis, so now I'm a gimpy brace-wearing smart ass :(  At least I won't be on crutches for Madtown Kinkfest this weekend.

Happy Valentines Day

I had a wonderful Valentine's Day.  It started out at 10:00 AM by running around the block 16 times trying to find the puppy who managed to escape the yard.  Apparently one of the girls left the gate open behind them this morning.  I was able to follow his tracks in the fresh snow as no one had shoveled yet.  He never got more than a block away, all of this happened in the 20 minutes that I had let him out while I got dressed for work.  There were two of the techs working on that block but they didn't see him.  They were nice enough to join in the search so while one of them was driving around looking for him, the other one and I were following tracks and shouting for him.  I called both the police and the humane society in a flat panic thinking I had lost my puppy.  Then I got a txt from my boss that I was to meet her and the other icky lady I work with (the other lady is icky, my boss is great) for lunch at noon.  Cause I wasn't still wandering around trying to track my dog and going hoarse from yelling for him.  Then I had to do the hardest thing in the world.  I had to tell M that I lost his dog.  *head-desk* And that I had to leave to go do this stupid lunch with my boss and the stupid lady.  I got the phone call at 11:40 that someone had brought him to the humane society so of course I called my boss and told her that lunch was out because I had to go fish the idiot out of puppy jail, (I was diplomatic and didn't mention that the thought of sitting through lunch with the icky bitch was enough to sour anyone's appetite).  My boss was being my boss, she said she'd order for me and they would wait.  *sigh*  No escaping it.  M got off work as soon as he could and met me at the puppy jail while I was waiting for Sam.  It cost me $60 which wasn't bad considering he now has his first rabies shot and is micro-chipped in case the little asshole pulls another vanishing act.  We are putting clips on the gate latches btw.

Even with the crappy start to the day, I had lunch to look forward to *rolls eyes*.  I got to spend an hour listening to the bitch complain that even though she had to put her cat down last week she was pissed because the vet charged her for "disposal" and wouldn't let her just take it home to throw out in the dumpster of her apartment building.  O.O  Needless to say, I discouraged any questions from either her or my boss.  The last thing I wanted to hear at that point was her callous disregard of a fur-baby.  I gulped my lunch down, looked at my boss and said thankyouverymuchareyoureadytogonow....

Remember the calf muscle pull?  Yeah...  It's no better.  After watching me gimp for 3 hours, we had to pee, so we went to my house because it was the closest.  Guess who was pulling in after picking up the girls?  So M got to meet my new boss, which was cool, but then she told him I needed to see a doctor for my leg, which wasn't so cool.  So now I have a trip to the doctor to look forward to tomorrow.

The good things about today?  M brought me chocolate and a rose *beams*.  My puppy is home safe and sound. *beams*  I don't have to deal with the icky bitch for another two weeks *beams*.

Still have to go to the doctor tomorrow though... *gimps off to get an ice pack*

Attitudes

"When you are ready to start acting like my bride again, let me know.  Until then I'll leave you alone."


Well have a good day to you too...

Another day another dollar

Hopefully anyway.  Everyone I work with tells me this time of year sucks for sales, and I have to agree.  But I keep plugging along.  I'm not walking the puppy for a while because I was stoooopid and on a really cold day I didn't stretch enough so when Sam decided to park his ass and we played drag the puppy, I pulled a calf muscle.  It's not healing at all well and is actually swollen (remember me and the not swelling thing?) so I promised M that if it hadn't improved by Monday I'd go see a doc.  I don't enjoy being gimpy.

I ran out of the herb thingies I was taking for da mental pause.  We discovered that they were actually working cause holy hell, what a crab!  Dial-a-hormone was alive and well for about a week.  Yeah.  I'm back on them now.

Everyone is getting along better with Sam now, except the cat.  Sam thinks he's a squeaky toy cause every time he get's anywhere near him, Sam makes him squeak.

Sam's newest thing is retrieving.  Go figure, he's a Labrador retriever right?  One problem, what he's retrieving is our shoes.  Oh well, at least he's not chewing them.

yeah, yeah...

So I was inspired today by 'nilla.  She's a bit pissed off at the world at the moment and I told her it was going around like the flu.  As M and I were wandering through the stores on Saturday I noticed that there was a huge sale on yarn and commented that I don't have time for my needle work anymore.  He said that he noticed I was reading more.  I am, and I know why.  For me reading has always been an escape.  What do I need to escape?  My job.  I hate it, I hate talking to strangers every day.  I hate that it brings out my long overcome stutter.  I hate that I have to do business casual every day.  I hate that I have to deal with the other bitchy lady who does sales in this area.  I'm hiding.  I'm not dealing, I'm not talking, I'm hiding.  My house is filthy (picked up, but...).  My baking has gone neglected, my dogs are filthy and need a haircut.  I seriously need to get over it because I get that actually liking your job is a luxury and one that I can't afford.  I like the pay, I can do it and am fairly good at it.  I love taking care of my house and baking and sewing.  There is more to my life than my job and I need to reconnect, refocus, and get the fuck over it already.  So last night I made a double batch of oatmeal scotchies, and that's what we had for supper :)

Update

I swear the little bastard grows every time I turn around.  In order to get the average size of your dog as an adult you take his weight at 12 weeks and multiply it times 3.  He was 31 pounds.

Still not much kink to report except for a lovely session a few days ago.  He even bruised me O.O!  Work is going as expected.  Not a job I would have chosen, but I can do it. *shrugs*  I promised I would give it a shot, and I am.  The pay is nice, the utter collapse at the end of the day is not.  I'll live, I'm making it.  Sorta.

Got Kink?

What's that?  What is this kink thing of which you speak?  My live has devolved into a mass of selling cable, laundry and cleaning up the cause of all the laundry.  Do they make anal plugs for dogs?

Sleeeeeeeeppp

The puppy slept through the night, hence, so did I.  AND I managed to get a cup of coffee down before having to stand in the snow for 20 minutes convincing him that peeing outside is really the done thing these days.  Of course M's version might work better, M simply pees out there with him, the puppy takes the hint then they can come back in.  I am NOT dropping trou out in the yard.  Yesterday the youngest watched him for an hour so I could get some sleep.  She was absolutely sure he peed outside but he didn't poop.  Yes he did.  She missed it but I didn't :(.  Stepped right in it, right in front of the back door.  In bare feet.  Tell me again why I thought this would be a good idea?

I'm not going to laugh..

As M exhaustedly got up at 3am to be into work at 5am, little did he know that he would be spending the majority of his time with Sam, outside, frantically trying to convince him that peeing out there was a good idea.  Only to have him go on the livingroom rug.  You see Sam has decided that he kind of likes it in the house and if he never has to go outside again, that would be just fine with him.  Right now he is quite contendly sleeping under my desk after being awake all night howling.  Yes that means that we were also awake all night.  Is it wrong that I am happy that the kids are home this week so they can wear this little fucker out?

I haz a cute!

Please, by all that you consider holy, tell me again why I thought this would be a good idea?

This morning I got 1 cig and 1/2 cup of coffee down by 5:30am and yet M was fed breakfast and had his lunch packed and happily out the door on his way to work.  ^^^^^  That thing The puppy had been taken potty twice, fed his breakfast, played with and put down for a nap.  When I went to lay back down for a nap?  Holy hell the lungs on him.  I swear the entire block now thinks I string him up by his toe-nails.

I will admit that he is rather handsome now that he's cleaned up but gawd did he STINK.  My dogs so do not smell like that.  Just in case you're wondering, he is 11 weeks old and these pictures don't really do him justice as far as displaying his size.  His uber cuteness is the only thing saving his hairy little ass from coffee and sleep deprived decimation.

None of these explain the size ratio.  This one does.  Check out that paw compared to my hand.  Yes he's a lab, no he's not a cow.

Meet S.A.M.

Poppa

I am part of freecycle (of course) and one of the things that came up 2 springs ago was white cedar saplings so knowing that M's dad uses cedar almost as his totem, tucking pieces into Christmas cards and caskets alike, I grabbed them figuring that he would like them.  They weren't saplings, these things were 3 feet high.  And there were 14 of them.  Well I distributed what I could amongst my friends and brought what was left up north to his Dad.  His brother took one, which left 5 that M helped him plant down in what he calls the cedar swamp.  A month later I asked how they were doing so we walked down there to check on them.  On the way down he told me stories of the different trees along the path like the basswoods that grew in clumps instead of solitary trees because he and his brother had cut the trees closest to the road to sell for shipping material when they were teenagers and the clumps were what had grown out of the stumps.  He showed me the mound that was actually an old stump that he and his father had pulled out with the team of horses when he was home from college one summer.  About how what we were walking on started out as Highway 8, then was abandoned when they put the paved road in at the bottom of the hill.  How then it became an Indian path and the reason for the Indian gap right next to the gate at the top of the driveway.  He pointed out dead limbs that he would have to "get to" before syrup season.  All in all I think it was only about a 20 minute walk but it was amazing to listen to his stories of this land that he grew up on and was now growing old on.  We entered the swamp from the north west and he didn't even hesitate as he walked up to the northern-most tree.  He examined the branches and needles and told me about how when you planted things here there were plenty of rocks you had to move and sometimes you just had to work around them if they wouldn't be moved.  How he hoped he had picked the right spot for the trees but only time would tell if that was true or not.  He examined each tree for signs that he had chosen well and before we reached the 3rd tree, I realized that he had planted them in a circle.  At the 5th tree he stopped to catch his breath and told me that he passed the cedar along as a sort of "good journey" wish and maybe it was a bit pagan but that was okay.  There was an Indian that he used to work with who taught him that there was more than one way to worship and that he hoped his kids had learned that lesson, and that he thought they maybe had.

We walked back mostly in comfortable silence.

Total win..

LOL

Something to love..

I had to find something to love about this job or I would have slowly lost my mind.  The thing I found is that I can save people money.  I'm a known spendthrift.  I make my own laundry soap, dog food, freeze veggies from the garden, and make my own jam.  Not just because it's better for you, but because I'm just that cheap.  I love freecycle (even if M has "discussions" with me about what's junk), and have been known to occasionally pick useful things up at the curb.  My children know that when clothes come in a garbage bag, they have every right to veto them but NOT because they were pre-owned.  I rarely buy anything new, and it takes an act of the Goddess combined with a direct order from M to get me to buy clothing for myself in a store that isn't a thrift shop.  I do have limits, however.  Underwear (knickers) are never ever bought used.  Socks are only if I know the person I'm getting them from and they are in pristine shape, same goes for bras.  Tennies and most shoes to be honest are new, unless I can't see any signs of wear on them.  School supplies are re-used from the year before and I am the patron saint of all the dollar stores (you have to be smart at those and realize that if a roll of paper toweling is only a buck, but at the grocery store you can get 6 for $5, that isn't that great of a deal).

Why am I such a cheapskate thrifty person?    If you've ever stood in line at the food pantry just to be able to feed your kids, you would be too.  When I divorced X I didn't have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of because I refused to strip that house that my children considered "home" just so that I could be more comfortable.  I was also unemployed as most of my customers left when I moved.  In putting together a home for us from scratch I came to the realization that you could have a very nice home for very little money just because people throw away the damnedest things.  3ft high Kenwood speakers?  Yep, got em free.  Broyhill sofa?  Yep, free.  Working washer and dryer?  You guessed it.  Dressers? Amazing what a little sandpaper and finish work will produce.  Need a freezer?  No joke.  Full size upright freezer that isn't new but isn't ancient.  All for the price of hauling it.

Saving someone $10 on their cable bill while getting them more services is right up my alley.  Lemonade anyone?

Srsly..

Why does the first heavy snow of the season make everyone act like this?

Busy busy busy

So I asked M to help me with the "Park My Ass Syndrome" that I get every winter.  The gist of it is this. I make up a list of what I want to accomplish that week, he assigns a chore every day if I don't get off my bum and do something.  It's funny because every time we do this, he never has to assign anything lol.  Apparently just the thought of him holding me accountable is enough to get my lazy arse off the damn chair.  It also helps that I get things accomplished in the morning rather than at night because by the time I get home from work I don't want to talk, move, motivate, breathe, anything really.

I am also done with the whole not sleeping thing, and no I'm not going back on the spendy sleeping pills.  Why spend a fuckton of money on something that doesn't work?  I am trying to treat the mental pause, which is what I think is causing the insomnia.  So far so good.  This is the ingredient list but I'm not putting the brand name or where I got it here because it was a fluke that I found it there on my (literally) annual shopping trip and have no intentions of buying it there again.

Daytime Formula Features Standardized Ginseng and Green Tea to Give You Daytime Energy. Black Cohosh Relieves Hot Flashes and Irritability. Nighttime Formula Offers Theanine and Valerian to Help You Sleep Better. Black Cohosh Relieves Hot Flashes and Night Sweats.

I take both pills in the morning because when I take the night time one it gives me huge mood swings, and not the funny or happy kind.  Maybe I should take it right before bed?

WOOT

Got a new keyboard, got to spend the weekend with Sarahnade.  Was fire cupped by Mystique.  Spent time at a beautiful cabin in the woods which was great (even if M did get the truck stuck on the excuse for a driveway).  Decided we need new tires on the truck.  Was promised anal if I was good even though I know M is too tired for it tonight.  All in all a fairly great weekend.  OH and I transfered the kids to a new school.  Any old farts like me remember the move Fame?  Or youngsters remember the movie "Step Up".  Yeah.  This school is like those.  It's a performing art school that also has design and science studios.  It's project based which means a lot of independant study type work that is closely monitored by teachers.  There is only one thing that I don't like about it.  They call the teachers by their first names.  Yes I'm a throw-back.

:(

Remember when I spewed coffee all over my puter?  My keyboard has a butthurt...  I'll be back, I'm getting a new keyboard this weekend..

Happy New Year

to one and all